Judgement free zone…….If only.

I see this at my gym, it sits directly to the left of my favorite treadmill.

As I skim past these words I barely notice them. I do my best to ignore those around me but I find myself scanning the room.

Then it hits me! I don’t think those words mean the same thing for everyone. The intent is for gym goers to feel safe and comfortable and free to work out in a “judgement free” zone. The judgement of others.

For me it’s simply not that easy because……..the judgement, it comes from within. I never look to judge others I reserve this particularly cruel behavior for myself.

I scan the room to look for reasons to beat up on and talk down to myself. Reasons why I am not good enough, why I am hear yet AGAIN at this weight, I am a failure.

I am slowly learning to control this behavior. I have conditioned myself to stare at the bottom right hand corner of the TV in front of my treadmill. I blast my music and focus only on that corner while I walk/jog. When I catch movement out of my peripheral vision , I always do. I double down on that focus by adding a simple chant that I repeat over and over in my head…..”This is MY journey” it matches my cadence while I walk or run. When that is not enough I add, “Nothing else matters.”

It seems to be working but I find this behavior just carries over to other areas of my life.

I have been hurt many times throughout my life in ways that resulted in my feeling as though I was at fault. This internal judgement is a crafty foe. If I was just smarter, prettier/more handsome, more successful, a better son/daughter, more physically appealing. I would not have been passed up for that job, would have more friends, a better relationship with my parents, my Spouse would desire me.

It all hurts just the same, like a knife ripping out my heart leaving me feeling helpless and alone.

While the hurt from this is very real. If you are not careful to guard your heart you will always find what you are looking for. That judgement often creates a twisted view of reality.

Strength comes from within and it starts in the mind. Start by tackling on thing at a time. Arm yourself with your own positive self talk or chant to drown out the negative.

Sharing is not always easy but sometimes the smallest step in the right direction can make the biggest impact in your life or someone else.

What are your personal battles where this self judgement takes control?

What have you found works for you?